Lee Mosley has had career in Learning and Development and has a number of key roles in business and talent development. He has studied with A Mind 4 Adventure and has grown to be a fabulous coach, currently on a short travelling sabbatical he agreed to be a guest blogger for the AM4A blog. Enjoy Lee’s thoughts about exploring the real you.
Exploring The Real You
Just over 3 years ago my life was running at lightning speed, so much so I felt like I had everything happening that needed to or should be. I was in a long term relationship, had a successful career and a social life that anyone would be happy with. So great I could never understand a feeling that I would sometimes get when I slowed down and sat for a moment, one that lingered and never seemed to go away. I had this overwhelming feeling that I wasn’t paying attention to something. In those moments I’d always seem to question what I was doing but more importantly WHY I was doing it. I’d convince myself that I was just ‘overthinking’ things and then continue to distract myself with the next task on my list of things that I needed to accomplish.
As time passed my days, weeks and months passed more quickly, my working days extended and in those moments when I’d sit just for a moment that feeling came rushing back stronger than ever before. Quickly it started to grow, and then as more of my career and personal life began to take its toll on me I knew something wasn’t right.
Luckily I had some time planned in to spend on myself which wasn’t a holiday or a weekend break. I had 14 days dedicated to me! Something I had never thought about or would have even considered doing before. I was away at a 14 day Master Practitioner course with Amind4adventure. It was here that I would really get into the depths of what was causing this overwhelming feeling of unease, the feeling that something wasn’t right, like I needed to pay attention to something.
It was here that I would learn about my true self, my values and how I’d suddenly realised everything I was doing was for someone else or because that’s what success looked like to those around me. I’d taken on other people’s behaviours and the values and identity of the company I was working for, so much so that I’d actually lost what it meant to be me. I had lost who I was, what I held as valuable and what mattered. Suddenly I felt like I had peeled away these layers that I’d allowed to develop around me and found this desire for a greater more fulfilling life. These feelings were not about ‘wealth’ or ‘things’ but of more fulfilling relationships with people who cared. As I explored my personal values, spent time in my unconscious mind and allowed those thoughts to grow and add meaning, I started to build goals and a visual life that I had never realised I had urged for so much.
I spent time working with my coach to explore the fears and barriers that I had placed in front of me, which were constantly building up the walls of ‘reasons why not to do this’… I was too scared of failure, “what would other people think of me? Would they still see me as a success”? It was now I started to understand how I had allowed other people’s model of the world to be the benchmark of what success and true self-worth looked like. So I left with clarity, values and goals to start something new and to make the changes I wanted.
I changed my relationship and moved to be single, I left my place of comfort in the corporate world and explored a life of freedom and took a risk with a new adventure and a new organisation. I spent time having mini experiences and seeing more of the world and being more selfish with my time. I continued to spend time with those who inspired me and were positive & inspirational individuals. I did what I really felt like doing and let me tell you there were plenty of mistakes along the way, which just added to the adventure.
I know now the importance of truly letting go, and it’s not easy. I could tell you that today I sit here a totally fulfilled individual and I would be wrong, over 18 months on I’m starting out again, and why? because I have peeled away even more layers and dived deeper onto my values and personal beliefs. I don’t believe it gets easier, as I learn more and more about myself I know I’ll hold myself to account and steer my conscious mind in the path that my unconscious is guiding me. I know now and own that feeling of unrest and I use that as my energy to make the changes I want.
As I sit and think about my last 5 years I realise that dreaming about life being easy and having the materialistic items I desired would never fulfil me. I know now that it’s the challenges that life will throw at me which allow me to grow, develop and explore the true me. I read more and more today from authors about ‘the 12 steps to success’ or ‘How to be successful’, I feel that it’s not until we explore what our own rules of life should be that we will make the great changes we are capable of.
I stumbled across something yesterday which I found profound and sums up the last 5 years of my life and personal growth.
“You don’t know the new me; I put back my pieces, differently each time”.